Koh Phangan, Thailand
The tiny little ant on the windowsill of that boat didn’t need to be concerned about where the boat was heading. It was just doing it’s thing. Being busy like the ants are.
In the same way I don’t need to be concerned where life is taking me. I am just doing my thing. Being preoccupied feeling everything deeply, accepting what is and letting go of what isn’t.
I have so much to share. I feel as though I’m uncomfortably pregnant with things I’ve seen and experienced, things that I feel are worth sharing or speaking of. Yet I cannot know when I’m “due” or what will come out of me. Whether the “infant” will die at birth or whether it’ll live on.
In the meantime, I’m just watching and listening the waves, keeping on breathing (despite the chest infection I’ve had for weeks ), navigating with my inner emotional GPS… There’s no going back to what was. Only the vast unknown future ahead of me, that seems hostile and harsh when I gaze into it from the distance. Anxious and nervous, afraid of the future, that’s what my mind will have me live if I allow it to be the authority of my life.
The birds are singing. The sound is like from some nature jungle program. The towels are drying in the gentle warm wind on this fabulous little island of Thailand. I’m drinking Bali coffee. The last of what was left. Coughing and wheezing. Preparing to move once again tomorrow. Organising my bags.
There’s nothing scary or anxious or nervous in this very moment of existence.
I’m like the ant. I don’t need to know where life is taking me. I’m busy taking in the present moment and just feeling about it.
Doing what the nature designed me to do.
Busy being me.