The smell of Finnish pine forest.
The silence and the slower pace of moving from A to B.
There is generally a day or two that I feel like a tourist in my home country, until some senses get reawakened from the deep sleep. Then I feel like I’ve just been away for a very long time.
A lot changes in 16 years. I’ve been back here a few times and seen most of it bit by bit but I am actually shocked how much has changed again over the last 2,5 years.
Change is something I am interested in. Something I love to observe. Both external and internal.
I have changed in so many ways by the environments that I’ve experienced and by the people I’ve spent my time with.
Yet deep down I know that the true me doesn’t change. We are made up of two; The changeable and the unchangeable. What is changeable in me isn’t what I can trust for decision making, though I’ve identified with it for the most of my life.
It’s OK for it to change as I move through life. It adds richness to the experience.
The unchangeable sits deep deep down inside. I don’t really know what it is. It’s not something that I can analyse with my (changeable) mind. It’s just a feeling. Solidity. Love. Sense of freedom and being at ease with what is.
Like the smell of the Finnish pine forest. Just there like it’s always been. A pleasure experienced through my senses. Something I can always trust to be there. Solidity. I’ll never grow out of loving it.
That is the kind of place from which I can make my decisions from.
And from that place I made the decision to leave my (illusion of) security behind and go with no plans. Plans are not solid, jobs are not solid, (having enough) money isn’t solid, people are not solid.
My inner truth is.
It comes with me everywhere I go and it never leaves me until the day I die.
No reasons. No explanations. No defense.
Just a feeling that nothing external can change.